funny definitions

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Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

vMarriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

vTears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of
the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

vConference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

*Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

*Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

*Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

*Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classics: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
v
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
v
Etc. . .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
v
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
v
*Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
v
*Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
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*Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead